After thinking about what things my parents did, and looking at others around me, I've come to the conclusion that Elder Bednar is exactly right about how to raise a good, righteous family.
So I might be completely off the mark, but here's what I hope to do in my own family from watching others and church leaders.
Consistency-Whether it be about having family night and family prayer to making sure your child makes their bed every morning, as long as everything is consistent, it will be easier for a child to know what is acceptable and what is not. I always knew that I had to be home at 5:30 no matter what or I wouldn't get dinner. We knew that Monday night was Family night, no matter what. But the thing that was interesting is that I don't ever remember being "forced" to do anything, that's just the way things worked and we could either participate or deal with the consequences.
Work- My parents taught us all how to work, granted we all grumbled and complained, but it was made clear that we were expected to work. For example I grew up knowing that I had to do chores around the house. Being a part of my family we all had to do our part. The first chore I remember doing was drying dishes on a stool at the kitchen sink with my sister when I was three. From there on out, I was always assigned a chore, I took out those horrible garbage cans everyday until I was "advanced" to a different chore. Fridays were "clean house days" where Mom would write up a list of extra chores for each one of us kids in addition to our everyday chores. After we had all finished our lists, we got to do something fun.
Discipline- I think there are ways people take this too far. But it's needed. One of my favorite movies is the old "Yours, Mine and Ours" and at the very end the judge is asking the mom how she keeps house and makes sure all her 19 kids are healthy and happy. She responds by saying, "Well it takes a great deal of love, a little discipline, and a husband who doesn't criticize." I never remember being spanked, but I did spend alot of time in the corner with my nose against the wall. One thing my parents did was always explain to us why we were in trouble, so we knew that they just weren't mad and punishing us for no reason.
Love-Of course when you're a kid you think the whole world is picking on you. But looking back now, there were just little things my parents did that showed they loved us. Mom let us pick out one treat at the grocery store every week. It was something we looked forward to and planned because we knew that we got that one treat. We always got tucked in and a kiss at night. After we got in trouble they would just hold us. If we were upset about something they would listen. Even though the words "I love you" weren't said a ton, there was always a feeling of peace at our house.
Gospel Principles- I am a firm believer of Joseph Smith's quote "I teach correct principles and let them govern themselves." It's the same way with the Plan of Salvation, we are given principles to live by but we have the choice as to whether or not we'll follow them. I've seen families where the parents are so controlling with every decision their kids make, that the kids rebel because their agency and ability to choose is taken away, then when they got married, they had a really hard time because they didn't know how to make good decisions for themselves. My parents always gave expectations but they never told us what to do.
So that's my soap box. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about and seriously I have no idea what it's like to be a real mom living in the real world and dealing with a 3-year old who throws tantrums and colors on the walls. I just hope that maybe we can pass on a little of what our families gave us to our kids.
3 comments:
I think you'll be a great mom. I think you're absolutely right about everything you wrote. I struggle sometimes with the patience and energy it takes to keep up on everything, but I think we get extra blessings to help. So excited for you! Families are the highest highs and the lowest lows!
You are going to be such a wonderful mom, and Chase is going to be a fantastic daddy! This little girl will always have good parents who love her and will do their best to teach her everything she needs to be happy. That is what counts.
You definitely know what you're talking about. It doesn't mean it's easy with little ones, but that doesn't mean you still can't strive for those things which are good. I think consistency is huge. I have pretty good kids and while I think 90% of that is just the personality they came with, I'd like to think the other 10% is our consistency as parents.
You and Chase will be wonderful parents, I'm sure of it!
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