New Year, New Thoughts

Sorry this is so long. It's more for me to put into words what I've been thinking about.

We're not ones for really making resolutions. But the one thing I want to focus on this year is simplifying.

With some of the experiences I've had this last year, I've realized that alot of things just really don't matter. THEY JUST DON'T. Alot of things are nice, but they don't matter and aren't worth worrying about.

Baby has put this more into perspective as I think about the things we're going to need. And really, we won't need very much. We could put her to sleep in a drawer and she wouldn't even know. Even though we LOVE the crib my parents got for us and it will be lots more convenient than a drawer! Every little gadget would be nice, but we just don't have room for it and why clutter up space where Chase could play on the floor with her? We've been cleaning out our closets and just de-junking things. And after the five huge bags of STUFF that I took to DI, it made me never want to buy anything again.

I'm excited for Chase's semester to be more simple too. Just the way things worked out he'll have alot more free time. Free time = more time with him and more time for him to be a Dad. Sure it would be nice to have him done with school as fast as he can. But there are worse places we could be in life. Who cares if school takes longer? We'll have the opportunity to work for the rest of our lives. Granted he is still working just as hard to take care of us, but in a more simple way.

An issue I ran into that has caused problems for me was trying to do everything all the time. It was exhausting, even though I didn't realize it. After we figured out what was going on, I decided that even though I like things a certain way, other things can be let go. Like always having the laundry folded. I would prefer that it always be folded and put away, but most of the time, having it sit clean in the basket for a week is just as good.

Looking back at this year one of the things we loved was just being home. We didn't go on any major trips and we didn't have any big weddings or events. Even though those are fun, 2009 just about killed us. We love being home and doing things at home. Even though we have some small trips planned for this year, we're looking forward to being home and being together.

But most of all, taking the time to realize that my best really is good enough, will simplify everything. Why should we exhaust ourselves trying to do more than we are capable? And I don't mean being lazy. I posted this quote a long time ago and I just wanted to put it on here again, because it puts so nicely what I want to do and be.

--Patricia Holland

“Our Father in Heaven needs us as we are, as we are growing to become. He has intentionally made us different from one another so that even with our imperfections we can fulfill his purposes. My greatest misery comes when I feel I have to fit what others are doing, or what I think others expect of me. I am most happy when I am comfortable being me and trying to do what my Father in Heaven and I expect me to be.

For many years I tried to measure the oft times quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person. It is a contradiction in terms. I have given up seeing myself as a flawed person because my energy level is lower than Jeff’s, and I don’t talk as much as he does, nor as fast. Giving this up has freed me to embrace and rejoice in my own manner and personality in the measure of my creation. Ironically, that has allowed me to admire and enjoy Jeff’s ebullience even more.

Somewhere, somehow the Lord “blipped the message onto my screen” that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents he gave me. For example, the quieter, calmer talent of playing the piano reveals much about the real Pat Holland. I would never have learned to play the piano if I hadn’t enjoyed the long hours of solitude required for its development. This same principle applies to my love of writing, reading, meditation, and especially teaching and talking with my children. Miraculously, I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions and a serious schism settles in our soul. God never gave us any task beyond our ability to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to do it our own way. We will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become.”

(Portraits of Eve: God’s Promises of Personal Identity, Patricia T. Holland, LDS Women’s treasury: Insights and Inspiration for Today’s Woman {Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1997}, 97-98.)

Our goal is to simplify so "we will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become."

Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. What's more simple than that?