Not much going on around here. Kinda nice to have a lull before the rush of school starts again.
Last semester for Chase! There were some days I never thought it would come. He did it!
He also found a "cheap" Mac at the USU surplus sale so he can do his senior project at home instead of spending all his nights on campus away from us. Yay!
I think Lauren is starting to teethe, all of a sudden she's not sleeping good and just seems more discontent. She's also learned how to scream: a high-pitched, shatter glass scream. Thankfully she only seems to do it when she's really tired or really hungry. She's been so fun though, she's getting more and more personality every day. She's tired of her toys though, she wants to eat and grab everything she can't have!
Work has been crazy busy. Haven't had a chance to catch my breath for the last three weeks. But as of today, I am all caught up.
We were kinda worried about how our schedules would work out with Chase starting school. But I again underestimated my boss and she was more than willing to work with the schedule we came up with. (Did I mention I love my job!) So either one of us can still be at home with Lauren 4 out of 5 days of the week. Phew.
We did get to go up the canyon and roast hot dogs this last weekend as a last hurrah to summer.
Our fridge died last night. Funny since our neighbor's died just a few days ago. Must be a fridge plague going around. Good thing the milk is almost gone!
Still missing my sewing machine. Didn't realize how much I used it until I haven't had it to use!
Finally got around to hanging our family picture. Who knew that frame was a totally weird size?
And the princess is awake! Done for now!
Wednesday, August 24
Wednesday, August 17
New Mexico
We made it there and back and didn't melt on the sidewalk!
We now have more confidence traveling with Lauren, she did great on the plane and through the whole trip. How did we get such a good baby?
It was fun to see the Christensen side of the family and get out of town for a few days. And boy! Do the Christensen's know how to throw a great party!
Tuesday, August 9
Depression Discussion
I never had any intentions to post about my depression. But for some reason I feel like I need to: maybe there is someone out there who needs to hear this. I know it helped me knowing there were others dealing with this too.
I'm not a doctor, I'm not an expert, I still deal with depression, and I don't have all the answers. I don't need sympathy or pity, but understanding goes a long way. I deal with depression and that's all there is to it. It's just like having diabetes or ADD; it's just what it is.
Sometimes it's frustrating to me that alot of people don't understand what depression is. Some people express the opinion that "we just need to get over it," or it's just a few-day episode like the chicken pox. But that's the thing about depression, those who have it just can't "get over it", that's what makes it depression. For alot of people it's chronic, meaning that it's like diabetes where we have to deal with the effects every day, not just once in our lives.
There are different types of depression. Some experience one major depressive event in their lives. Others deal with it for a few weeks or months at a time intermittently throughout their lives. I don't know what mine would be classified as, but I call it "mine" because the feelings that come with it are specific to me. I know that not everyone with depression might feel the same things I do. I don't mean to detract or belittle anyone who has dealt with depression, this has just been my experience with it.
Looking back now I think there were times in my life, especially in later elementary and junior high, that I dealt with depression but didn't realize it. After getting married and dealing with a jerk of a boss it came to a head. I couldn't think straight, everything anyone said to me made me burst into tears, I felt like the whole world was against me, I felt worthless, like I couldn't do anything right. I was scared to talk and reach out to people. I would get up and not even feel awake. I went through the motions of going to work and class without having any emotion about anything.
I figured there was something up, but when you're in that state, it's hard to be pro-active and think rationally. So I just went on without doing anything about it. I started a summer internship at the student wellness center (2 summers ago) and while I was working on a presentation about depression it slammed me in the face that I had it. But I didn't know what to do about it, I was ashamed that I couldn't control what was going on in my own head. I hated the idea of the stigma people would put on me if they knew. I felt broken.
I was getting ready to graduate and life was looming in the distance and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I felt like a horrible wife because I would take all my frustration out on Chase which made me feel worse. Finally, after realizing that I couldn't fix this on my own, and at Chase's insistence, I talked to my parents. They were supportive and just talking to them helped me a lot. After that I went to the doctor and finally got some medication.
It's hard to deal with a sickness that's inside your head. It's hard to distinguish if what you're feeling is really you or the depression. I hated the idea of taking pills to "make me happy." I felt like I should be able to make myself happy. After countless blessings and support from Chase I felt better about taking them. And they worked. All of a sudden I felt like I could think through things again. I could take criticism without bawling, I wasn't offended, I could feel the Spirit again, I felt like talking to people again, my life had purpose and direction.
I still have to watch myself. There are days when I can feel it creeping back. But now that I can recognize it, it's easier to fend off. I still have "down days" occasionally but I can deal with them. If I'm tired or bored it seems to come back. Now, the medication is not what makes me happy, it gives me the ability to think clearly and rationally so I can make the decision to be happy.
The biggest lesson I learned from this all was how loved I am. By Chase, who was there and is there all the time; who took my bawling fits and irrational "tantrums". My parents who helped me get the help I needed, my in-laws for being supportive, and mostly Heavenly Father. Looking back now, I can see the help that He gave me along the way even though I didn't recognize it at the time.
So I guess I just wanted to get this out there, to let anyone know who's dealing with this that there is hope. There are people who understand, Heavenly Father understands and is there. You're not broken, just blessed with this particular trial. A trial that can be overcome.
EDIT: I just want to say that I am completely fine and happy. This all happened over two years ago and I just had the impression that someone out there needed to hear it. Thanks for the encouraging words, I appreciate it, but I really am OK and doing great!
I'm not a doctor, I'm not an expert, I still deal with depression, and I don't have all the answers. I don't need sympathy or pity, but understanding goes a long way. I deal with depression and that's all there is to it. It's just like having diabetes or ADD; it's just what it is.
Sometimes it's frustrating to me that alot of people don't understand what depression is. Some people express the opinion that "we just need to get over it," or it's just a few-day episode like the chicken pox. But that's the thing about depression, those who have it just can't "get over it", that's what makes it depression. For alot of people it's chronic, meaning that it's like diabetes where we have to deal with the effects every day, not just once in our lives.
There are different types of depression. Some experience one major depressive event in their lives. Others deal with it for a few weeks or months at a time intermittently throughout their lives. I don't know what mine would be classified as, but I call it "mine" because the feelings that come with it are specific to me. I know that not everyone with depression might feel the same things I do. I don't mean to detract or belittle anyone who has dealt with depression, this has just been my experience with it.
Looking back now I think there were times in my life, especially in later elementary and junior high, that I dealt with depression but didn't realize it. After getting married and dealing with a jerk of a boss it came to a head. I couldn't think straight, everything anyone said to me made me burst into tears, I felt like the whole world was against me, I felt worthless, like I couldn't do anything right. I was scared to talk and reach out to people. I would get up and not even feel awake. I went through the motions of going to work and class without having any emotion about anything.
I figured there was something up, but when you're in that state, it's hard to be pro-active and think rationally. So I just went on without doing anything about it. I started a summer internship at the student wellness center (2 summers ago) and while I was working on a presentation about depression it slammed me in the face that I had it. But I didn't know what to do about it, I was ashamed that I couldn't control what was going on in my own head. I hated the idea of the stigma people would put on me if they knew. I felt broken.
I was getting ready to graduate and life was looming in the distance and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I felt like a horrible wife because I would take all my frustration out on Chase which made me feel worse. Finally, after realizing that I couldn't fix this on my own, and at Chase's insistence, I talked to my parents. They were supportive and just talking to them helped me a lot. After that I went to the doctor and finally got some medication.
It's hard to deal with a sickness that's inside your head. It's hard to distinguish if what you're feeling is really you or the depression. I hated the idea of taking pills to "make me happy." I felt like I should be able to make myself happy. After countless blessings and support from Chase I felt better about taking them. And they worked. All of a sudden I felt like I could think through things again. I could take criticism without bawling, I wasn't offended, I could feel the Spirit again, I felt like talking to people again, my life had purpose and direction.
I still have to watch myself. There are days when I can feel it creeping back. But now that I can recognize it, it's easier to fend off. I still have "down days" occasionally but I can deal with them. If I'm tired or bored it seems to come back. Now, the medication is not what makes me happy, it gives me the ability to think clearly and rationally so I can make the decision to be happy.
The biggest lesson I learned from this all was how loved I am. By Chase, who was there and is there all the time; who took my bawling fits and irrational "tantrums". My parents who helped me get the help I needed, my in-laws for being supportive, and mostly Heavenly Father. Looking back now, I can see the help that He gave me along the way even though I didn't recognize it at the time.
So I guess I just wanted to get this out there, to let anyone know who's dealing with this that there is hope. There are people who understand, Heavenly Father understands and is there. You're not broken, just blessed with this particular trial. A trial that can be overcome.
EDIT: I just want to say that I am completely fine and happy. This all happened over two years ago and I just had the impression that someone out there needed to hear it. Thanks for the encouraging words, I appreciate it, but I really am OK and doing great!
Sunday, August 7
Cereal- In Pictures
I don't know about this mom...
What in heaven's name did you just put in my mouth?
Okay maybe it's not so bad... it's kind of yummy...
More please!
Overall I think Lauren's first experience with rice cereal was a success!
What in heaven's name did you just put in my mouth?
Okay maybe it's not so bad... it's kind of yummy...
More please!
Overall I think Lauren's first experience with rice cereal was a success!
Wednesday, August 3
Random Thinkings
When will my hair stop falling out? I've heard of post-partum hair loss but this is a little ridiculous.
Packing for New Mexico. I'm afraid we're all going to melt on the sidewalk!
I'm a little nervous about flying with Lauren. We're supposed to board and everything right when she usually goes to bed.
Missing my sewing machine. I've been spoiled with a really nice one these last few years.
Wal-mart doesn't believe in yellow or green clothes.
Discovered Pinterest. I'm afraid that there are so many cute things I want to do I'll go crazy because now there's a way to remember that I want to do all of them. (Does that make sense?) And there's only so much room in an apartment before you run out of room for more decorations.
Went to the Martin Harris Pageant last night to see my sister-in-law and it was awesome!
I could live in Clarkston... or Mendon, or Newton.
It's about time to see my cute nephews again. It's been more than a week!
It's funny how Lauren responds differently to different people. Chase can't ever get her to fall asleep but she will fall asleep instantly in my arms, and she saves her biggest grins and giggles for dad while I get those little smiles. (Which I still love.)
I'm excited to see family this weekend!
There are alot of really amazing people out there, ya' know?
Packing for New Mexico. I'm afraid we're all going to melt on the sidewalk!
I'm a little nervous about flying with Lauren. We're supposed to board and everything right when she usually goes to bed.
Missing my sewing machine. I've been spoiled with a really nice one these last few years.
Wal-mart doesn't believe in yellow or green clothes.
Discovered Pinterest. I'm afraid that there are so many cute things I want to do I'll go crazy because now there's a way to remember that I want to do all of them. (Does that make sense?) And there's only so much room in an apartment before you run out of room for more decorations.
Went to the Martin Harris Pageant last night to see my sister-in-law and it was awesome!
I could live in Clarkston... or Mendon, or Newton.
It's about time to see my cute nephews again. It's been more than a week!
It's funny how Lauren responds differently to different people. Chase can't ever get her to fall asleep but she will fall asleep instantly in my arms, and she saves her biggest grins and giggles for dad while I get those little smiles. (Which I still love.)
I'm excited to see family this weekend!
There are alot of really amazing people out there, ya' know?
For Science
Some things you never expect to hear. Like:
"Hey Amy, would you like to pee in this test tube for science?"
Ummm....no. There are some things that just aren't worth my dignity.
"Hey Amy, would you like to pee in this test tube for science?"
Ummm....no. There are some things that just aren't worth my dignity.
Monday, August 1
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