Survival

I really don't like to think of myself as a negative, whiny person. And really, I've tried hard to have a good attitude. But I just need to get it out. I'm tired: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The saying ,"enjoy the journey" keeps coming to mind as I anxiously await July. I just can't help feeling like when this baby is here I will feel so much better, I'll be able to walk without hurting, eat for enjoyment  not wondering if I will lose it 10 minutes later. I'll have the energy to actually make my husband dinner and pack his lunches, I'll be able to handle taking Lauren outside for more than an hour a day. I'm having a hard time enjoying the journey, feeling guilty that I'm not enjoying it because it will never be like this again. I will never have just Lauren ever again.

I started to notice a trend with my depression medication, so I thought I'd experiment with it a little to see what happened. The thought occurred to me about a month ago that it might be my medication making me so sick, even though it didn't with Lauren. Someday I'd like to go off it, I'd been feeling good and felt like I had a handle on things so I decided to stop taking it to see what happened. And things got better, I was only sick a few days a week instead of every day. I was hopeful. But then I crashed. It happens so fast: the unprovoked anger and utter lack of motivation to do anything. I guess the good thing is that I can recognize when it's happening now.

So I started taking my medicine again. And I got sick again. Unfortunately, this kind of medicine is the safest for me to take while pregnant. And obviously I can't go more than a few days without taking it. So it's a lopsided toss up, do I feel sick all day everyday? Or do I deal with the depression? I'd rather deal with being sick all day than the helpless darkness. It's a frustrating situation; taking medicine I know is making me physically sick, but knowing it's preventing me from being mentally sick.

My doctor did give me Zofran, but I've noticed if I take it for more than a few days in a row it gives me bad headaches. And I'd rather be nauseous than have a headache. And it seems silly to take medicine that makes me sick, take medicine to not make me sick but gives me headaches so I have to take Tylenol. Sheesh.

So that's that. I have ten weeks left. Looking back, I've done six months, so I can do this. I have to do this. I'm grateful this little guy kicks constantly since it makes me remember why I'm sick and that it'll be worth it. I'm sorry to whine, sometimes all I need is a good venting to make me feel better about life.

But to say the least, July cannot come soon enough!

On a happier note, Lauren dressed up like Santa with her Batman sunglasses to cheer me up the other day. :)

Metal Free

We have a keychain! After two weeks I was starting to wonder if we'd ever see it again and Lauren would set off every metal detector she went through. Guess she just has a slow or very complex digestive system!

A Quarter Turn

A drop in the bucket doesn't seem like much...

Who would have thought a quarter turn of a faucet handle could be so much? We didn't think so, but after finding out today that it had been mysteriously a quarter turned ALL winter, it could be ALOT.

Frustration. Does anyone know how to dig a well?

This Week

Kind of  slow week. Which is nice considering my nausea has made a comeback. Dr. said I need to gain some weight since I've only lost it, but baby is still growing right on track which is reassuring. It is kind of nice to have someone tell you you can eat more. :) And we're on the downhill slope; we're getting there.

No keychain yet. Makes me a little nervous that it's still floating around somewhere in Lauren's insides. But the Dr. isn't too worried since she's acting just fine. He said it should come out on it's own eventually. Hopefully eventually is sooner rather than later! The diaper checks are getting really old.

I'm getting the itch to sew more. There's some flannel waiting for me to find something to match it to make baby a blanket. I made a cover for our very pink bouncer today. Now it's a little more manly with just a little pink showing.  Hope this kid doesn't mind playing with pink toys for awhile.

We got the crib set up in the refinished "sewing-room-turned-baby-boy-room". Chase says I can't call our son's room pretty, so I'll call it "classy." I'm happy with how it turned out; before and after pictures to come! It doesn't even seem like the same room.

My mom's birthday was on Saturday so we got to celebrate all day. The girls went to breakfast at the Crepery, which was pretty good, I was glad I could eat it! Then we went to the temple as a family to do sealings. It's pretty neat to have all your parents, siblings and their spouses together in the temple. Then Kyle made an awesome dinner and we had cake and ice cream. It was a fun day!

We're in Trouble

Lauren found a little keychain yesterday. One of those little ball chains. I noticed her playing with it and keep putting it in her mouth. I asked her to stop and give it to me.

She laid down on her changing table with that sassy look, knowing that she was being naughty, put the chain in her mouth, coughed twice... and swallowed it.

Then she stood up, laughed, and asked, "wher i go?"

Oh brother!

This Weekend

The fact that we are now down to double digits for days left in this pregnancy is very exciting for me.

Thanks to whoever put the shingles that flew off our roof on our doorstep while we were gone. The wind must have blown pretty hard. Does anyone have a ladder we could borrow to nail them back on?

Lauren had a great second birthday party up in Idaho with the Christensen's. She was yet again spoiled rotten by her aunts, uncles and grandparents. She even got to ride a horse! (At baby animals days last week she was heartbroken when she wasn't old enough to ride the ponies. Even though she had before; didn't understand that one. So a big horse was even better!)

The daffodils we planted last fall came up and they're starting to bloom. And the tulips have buds! And our grass is alive! We were so scared that all the snow would melt and we'd have a giant mud-pit instead of all the grass we planted last summer.

Conference is great. Some of my favorite weekends of the whole year.

An Easter Birthday

Lauren had a great day, at least, I think she did! Complete with Grandma's and Grandpa, cousins, Easter eggs, cake, candy and presents. Do you think I could get her to look at the camera? Heck no! She sure loves the little shopping cart we gave her. We sure love our little sweetie bug!