Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had made different choices. If I'd gone to a different school, chose a different major, didn't get married at 19, etc.

We went to my brother-in-law's White Coat ceremony last week as his celebration into medical school. I wasn't expecting the feeling, "that could have been me," while I sat and watched all those highly intelligent and accomplished students embarking into their new challenge and prestigious careers. I could have been in my third year of medical school by now, applying for residency.

Sometimes I get tired of changing diapers, wiping up spills and watching princess shows over and over. Sometimes I wonder why I quit my job at the biotech company I loved. Sometimes I wonder if what I do everyday makes a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever hold a pipette again or dust off my telescope. Sometimes I wonder what could have been.

After a rough week contemplating these things I found my "answer" as to why I am here, now. Why I am here; married, two kids and a house, changing diapers, managing tantrums, watching princess shows, playing with Lauren's pretend "sheepies", making dinner, and on and on.

Science and learning will always be a part of me, I will always have that desire to go to medical school or be a genetic counselor or, or, or.....but I made a choice.

My choice was to choose "the better part". I chose to get married at 19 to the greatest guy ever and we chose to bring our two kiddos into the world. And that is "the better part." What could have been would have been "good" at the time, but what I chose was the best for NOW.

My sister once told me about a quote from President Faust. It was something along the lines of, "You can't sing all the verses of your song at the same time." Even though I long to put on my lab coat, gloves, and pick up a pipette...that's a verse for another time; my song is about my family now, just as it should be.

A change in a single nucleotide can change a person physically, a small hug and kiss on the cheek can change a soul, and that's what matters now. When I wonder if what I do makes a difference, I remind myself that for these three people, I am their world, and what could possibly be better than that?